Stop Story-lining and Start Living
Nothing like grandiose mountains to bring you back to the present.
We are told from a very young age about these things called goals and dreams. Some of us are taught not to chase dreams because they are unattainable, others are told to “dream BIG!” because anything is possible, and some are just in between, directionless. For those daring enough to dream, to set goals that will take some time to achieve, the road can be rocky. Why? Because that is how it is, the reward of chasing your dreams lies in the process, overcoming obstacles and growing as a person along the way. But sometimes we make ourselves miserable during this process. Why? Because we write storylines.
When I first ventured into halfpipe skiing I didn’t really know what it was, what it would mean if I was good at it, or how it could possibly affect my future. So I did it purely because I loved it, it was fun and it engaged every part of my attention, my body and mind at once. Absolutely enthralling! Within a short period of time, I began experiencing success. Then I began to PLOT MY FUTURE (imagine this being said in Denzel Washington’s voice over a megaphone). I began to imagine my future life (XGAMES GOLD MEDALIST, FAMOUS PRO SKIER, MAGAZINES, MOVIES, blah, blah, blah) down to the tiniest details. But more than imagine, I began to feel entitled to this future, and when things didn’t fit in with what I had imagined, I struggled. Hard. I would create such a concrete idea of “what my life was” that I would force-fit people, places and things into my imagined reality. Trying to craft and mold and control the world around me. I also fabricated this concept of “permanence” that once I achieved x, y and z that those things would be with me forever (true) but also that they would continue to happen on and on, for eternity; that the satisfaction in achieving said goal, would be one that would constantly bring my joy and satisfaction forever. False.
When you create such a false reality, when life throws you a curve-ball (like your dad has a very rare and aggressive form of leukemia) the illusion begins to crack and fade, become sheer, until you can see right through it. That piece (dad with cancer) didn’t fit into your imagined reality, but it happened. Then you start questioning what you’ve created. Everything you’ve convinced yourself of begins to fall apart.
We do this kind of story lining a lot. Like when we me meet a wonderful person with whom we want to fall in love. We focus on the aspects of that person that fit into our created, imagined reality of life, our ideas of what we want and need become the only pieces of that person that we see. But eventually it catches up with us and this character that we created to fit into our fictional world is no longer hiding. We begin to see the other pieces and sides that we chose to overlook in the beginning, and the pieces no longer fit- right shape, wrong color; right color, wrong shape.
I just finished watching a movie called Ruby Sparks about a writer, Calvin, who began writing a love-story about meeting his ideal woman, Ruby Sparks. As his story went on and more and more details were created, Ruby became real, Calvin manifested her into existence, and she appeared living in his home. But over time Ruby needed to be who Ruby really was, not Calvin’s Ruby, and the love story began to fall apart. The more Calvin tried to control her with his writing the worse things got. Ruby was pushed away by this overbearing grasp. It wasn’t until Calvin was able to release her and return her freedom to her, that Ruby was able to reenter Calvin’s life in another form. This is an extreme metaphor for this “story lining” to which I refer, but it is surprisingly accurate.
We cannot possess anything in life fully, not a goal, not a person, not a dream. The only possession that we have is within ourselves. Everything else will come and go, some people and things will stay bonded to us for longer than others, but everything is temporary. All that we seek in life, money, success, love, family, it is all fleeting. So stop wasting time writing the storyline of your life and start truly living life for what it IS!
It begins with being conscious, being present and aware of your thoughts. When they start running wild and taking you to made up places of the past and future, bring yourself back to the current moment- the reality that is unfolding before your eyes. This doesn’t mean that we can’t set goals or dream BIG or imagine the kind of person we want to be with, it just means we need to be real. Real with ourselves about what IS here in front of us. Let go of expectations, of definitions, and bask in the beauty of what IS.
Because ‘what IS’ is truly all we have.
Jen
What a great blog !
If you weren’t a great athlete you could easily become a writer.
Have a great season
Karl
Thank you Karl! Enjoy your winter and thanks for the support!
I’m sorry this is kind of long, and I was debating on whether or not to post it, but I couldn’t help but feel the need to.
I used to ski when I was little. Not very often, but occasionally I would go with my family. When I was 10 my brother decided he wanted to snowboard instead of ski, and being the annoying little sister that I was, I had to learn how to snowboard to. For my 12th birthday I learned my parents had paid for me to have snowboarding lessons. I was so excited…until my whole world got turned upside down. A month before my 12th birthday in October of 2007 I was diagnosed with leukemia. All of a sudden my whole life was put on hold. I could not go to school, I could not hang out with friends, I could not do anything a normal teenager was doing. I found myself lying in bed at home and at the hospital all the time needing something to do to pass the time…but I didn’t know what.
I don’t remember how, but for some reason I would constantly watch videos of action sports athletes skiing or snowboarding. I loved it. I think part of that is because it was something I could do and be able to forget about everything that was going on, but still be able to find inspiration through incredible people. Because of that I still look up to so many skiers and snowboarders. Every chance I get I go and watch them compete, and about a week and a half ago I got to go to the Grand Prix in Park City. While we were standing there I happened to look over and to my surprise you were standing 10 feet away from me. I could not believe it! The whole experience of being there an d seeing the people I looked up to in person was so surreal and just too amazing to describe.
My dad happened to see me taking a picture of you (because I was way too nervous to talk to you) and decided he was going to ask you to come take a picture with me. I cannot even begin to tell you how nervous I was, but as obnoxious as it was, I do not regret my dad doing what he did.
Meeting you definitely put things into perspective for me when my dad said to me “She is just another person. You should not be afraid to talk to her.” All I remember thinking is how apposed I was to the words that had just come out of his mouth and saying “No she is not just another person! She is someone who I have looked up to for so long, and she is taking a picture with me, and talking to me.” I just could not believe that someone so accomplished could be “just another person”. I will never forget that weekend, and all of the amazing things that happened.
Because of all the things that I had to go through, I am not able to participate in these sports anymore, and that makes me sad, but life goes on. To, I guess, satisfy my love for these sports I decided a few years ago that I wanted to work in this industry. I have had a lot of time to think about this, and because of that I have this perfect plan in my head of what my life will be like for the next 15 years, and I could not be more eager to grow up.
Reading your story was a reality check for me. I found myself comparing my dreams to yours in a way, and I cannot help but be so moved to slow down, and “live life for what it is”. I am still very young, but I am constantly thinking about the future and how much I want to grow up, and this “perfect” plan I have for my life for the next 15 years.
I am so sorry this is so long, and I have no idea how to express how much your story has inspired me.
You will never know how much meeting you meant to me. I guess what I am trying to say is thank you for sharing your story, and thank you for being you.
Madi
Madi,
I’m so glad that you shared your story with me. Doing this sport just for myself is not enough. I need to feel that what I do can inspire and motivate others to live life to the fullest, whatever that means for them. I’m so proud to hear you say that you want to work in this industry. For many people, going through what you have gone through, having to let go of things that you once loved, would break them. But you have still maintained your love for this sport. That is so wonderful. There is more to life than just being able to be active all the time, it can be so fulfilling to use your mind and engage with others. And like your dad said, I am just another person, the same as you. I have found my path in life and it has given me the chance to reach out to people like you. I admire you. You can do so many great things in this life.
Wishing you all the best,
Jen
Thank you for posting this Jen!
I found it extremely thought provoking and inspirational. It was a great read.
It’s great to see you skiing again after your injury. All the best for the rest of the season!
Max
Thank you so much Max! All the best to you!
Hi Jen,
this was a great post!so inspirational…
I really like your blog…it’s my great inspiration…you are my great inspiration…
I wish you all the best for the rest of the season